Not That Bad edited by Roxane Gay
5 stars
Not That Bad is a prolific essay collection that explores rape culture in society through the eyes of those who have been raped or have been impacted by the rape of someone important in their life. We see stories from women, men, trans women, and trans men. We see a spectrum of inclusivity in a story that has one dominating theme: many believe what happened to them was not that bad, but the trauma that they struggle through shows how the “not that bad” incident leaves behind scars that hurt and don’t always lead to healing or forgiveness. This essay collection is intense and at times unsettling. Unsettling because these situations happened and there are people who walk around thinking actions of rape or frisky or public exposure are okay. This isn’t an easy collection to read. It will hurt your soul and make you cry for humanity. If you walk away from this not shedding a tear, I applaud you for your lack of apathy because every story had me shedding a tear or weeping or gasping in shock and clutching my heart. These stories hurt. The pain these survivors face hurts, but their stories bring healing and an opportunity to shine a light on rape culture that we need to look dead into the eyes of. I listened to the audiobook of Not That Bad and it was an experience. An experience because each essay is narrated by the one who wrote it and feels like a hard, but healing exercise of speaking their truth to unmask the larger truth of societal rape culture.
Here are some of my favorite pieces:
*Fragments tackles the fragments of rape culture and small moments of Aubrey Hirsch’s life that have left her remembering the branding of rape culture upon her own life. “You can recognize the tension between I am a body and I have a body, but you are unable to resolve it.”
*The Sun explores the trauma of rape and the destructive tendencies that arose throughout Emma Smith Stevens’ adolescent years. This one focuses on mental health and is one of the grittier stories that left me feeling very panicked and overwhelmed.
*Stasis focuses on the obsession with beauty and body size in Hollywood. I’m biased because I love Ally Sheedy, but I loved this essay.
*The Way We Are Taught to Be a Girl tackles the topic of sexual assault from both girls and boys that children face at young ages. xTx has faced a lot of trauma and it’s heartbreaking to see sexual trauma arise from such a young age in someone’s life and continue to be a dominating and pertinent factor.
*Floccinaucinihilipilification by So Mayer was fantastic! This one focuses on suppression of abuse and intergenerational trauma and abuse. I’ve never heard an essayist tackle this topic before, but it’s one that I believe fully (generational curses are no joke and they can bring large burdens to one’s soul and experience).
*The Life Ruiner also tackles the inability to recount a lot of the memories to cope with suppressing the severe trauma that Nora Salem faced. I believe that essays like this are so important to shedding a light onto the pain that rape brings and how it’s so traumatizing that the mind tries to block it out of existence.
*All the Angry Women by Lyz Lenz is about a bible study where women gather with their anger. It focuses on the turmoil of a suppressive Christian household and the right to find faith outside of upbringing as well as using anger for healing and to bring women together in solidarity. “My anger is still homeless.”
*Good Girls by Amy Jo Burns follows a small-town scandal of a piano teacher and the effects it has on the girls who came forward and the problem with being labeled a good girl if you are quiet but also a good girl if you let the man hurting you continue hurting you. Small towns are frustrating and cases of apathy like this hurt my soul.
*Why I Stopped by Zoe Medeiros tells how she refuses to talk about what happened to her and the healing that she tried to find in telling it to people and how she was only met with judgment and misplaced guidance. My biggest takeaway is the importance in not analyzing someone who has been abused and how it shapes them. It’s not fair to them and it’s their story to tell.
*Picture Perfect by Sharisse Tracey is my favorite of this entire collection. I cried for so long and my heart felt like it had been ripped out while Tracey was recounting how her father ripped away her innocence. This is an important essay because it touches on the struggle to maintain a proper black family to those who respect them in the community, the struggle with judging family members and community, the hurt of church members refusing to help because it’s not their business, and the pain she has to face when asked to look at her dying father. This was powerful and I walked away forever knowing Sharisse Tracey’s heart and hurt.
*Why I Didn’t Say No by Elissa Bassist hits all the punches with why our society has to put confines around girls submitting to men sexually. She deconstructs problems with media and how this contributes to women submitting to men. Her story was also one that I think happens to a lot of young women in relationships when they find themselves in a nonconsensual situation and the impact it has on them.
This is an essay collection about survivors and warriors. These are the people to celebrate because they speak even when it opens wounds. I can’t recommend this collection enough. There was one essay I had massive issues with, but I won’t mention it in my review, but if you are curious why I was bothered by the essay I’ll be happy to talk about it privately. Not That Bad is a fantastic collection that I think everyone needs to read.
Cover Thoughts: Not a favorite by any means, but I’m here for the content not the cover.
5 stars
Not That Bad is a prolific essay collection that explores rape culture in society through the eyes of those who have been raped or have been impacted by the rape of someone important in their life. We see stories from women, men, trans women, and trans men. We see a spectrum of inclusivity in a story that has one dominating theme: many believe what happened to them was not that bad, but the trauma that they struggle through shows how the “not that bad” incident leaves behind scars that hurt and don’t always lead to healing or forgiveness. This essay collection is intense and at times unsettling. Unsettling because these situations happened and there are people who walk around thinking actions of rape or frisky or public exposure are okay. This isn’t an easy collection to read. It will hurt your soul and make you cry for humanity. If you walk away from this not shedding a tear, I applaud you for your lack of apathy because every story had me shedding a tear or weeping or gasping in shock and clutching my heart. These stories hurt. The pain these survivors face hurts, but their stories bring healing and an opportunity to shine a light on rape culture that we need to look dead into the eyes of. I listened to the audiobook of Not That Bad and it was an experience. An experience because each essay is narrated by the one who wrote it and feels like a hard, but healing exercise of speaking their truth to unmask the larger truth of societal rape culture.
Here are some of my favorite pieces:
*Fragments tackles the fragments of rape culture and small moments of Aubrey Hirsch’s life that have left her remembering the branding of rape culture upon her own life. “You can recognize the tension between I am a body and I have a body, but you are unable to resolve it.”
*The Sun explores the trauma of rape and the destructive tendencies that arose throughout Emma Smith Stevens’ adolescent years. This one focuses on mental health and is one of the grittier stories that left me feeling very panicked and overwhelmed.
*Stasis focuses on the obsession with beauty and body size in Hollywood. I’m biased because I love Ally Sheedy, but I loved this essay.
*The Way We Are Taught to Be a Girl tackles the topic of sexual assault from both girls and boys that children face at young ages. xTx has faced a lot of trauma and it’s heartbreaking to see sexual trauma arise from such a young age in someone’s life and continue to be a dominating and pertinent factor.
*Floccinaucinihilipilification by So Mayer was fantastic! This one focuses on suppression of abuse and intergenerational trauma and abuse. I’ve never heard an essayist tackle this topic before, but it’s one that I believe fully (generational curses are no joke and they can bring large burdens to one’s soul and experience).
*The Life Ruiner also tackles the inability to recount a lot of the memories to cope with suppressing the severe trauma that Nora Salem faced. I believe that essays like this are so important to shedding a light onto the pain that rape brings and how it’s so traumatizing that the mind tries to block it out of existence.
*All the Angry Women by Lyz Lenz is about a bible study where women gather with their anger. It focuses on the turmoil of a suppressive Christian household and the right to find faith outside of upbringing as well as using anger for healing and to bring women together in solidarity. “My anger is still homeless.”
*Good Girls by Amy Jo Burns follows a small-town scandal of a piano teacher and the effects it has on the girls who came forward and the problem with being labeled a good girl if you are quiet but also a good girl if you let the man hurting you continue hurting you. Small towns are frustrating and cases of apathy like this hurt my soul.
*Why I Stopped by Zoe Medeiros tells how she refuses to talk about what happened to her and the healing that she tried to find in telling it to people and how she was only met with judgment and misplaced guidance. My biggest takeaway is the importance in not analyzing someone who has been abused and how it shapes them. It’s not fair to them and it’s their story to tell.
*Picture Perfect by Sharisse Tracey is my favorite of this entire collection. I cried for so long and my heart felt like it had been ripped out while Tracey was recounting how her father ripped away her innocence. This is an important essay because it touches on the struggle to maintain a proper black family to those who respect them in the community, the struggle with judging family members and community, the hurt of church members refusing to help because it’s not their business, and the pain she has to face when asked to look at her dying father. This was powerful and I walked away forever knowing Sharisse Tracey’s heart and hurt.
*Why I Didn’t Say No by Elissa Bassist hits all the punches with why our society has to put confines around girls submitting to men sexually. She deconstructs problems with media and how this contributes to women submitting to men. Her story was also one that I think happens to a lot of young women in relationships when they find themselves in a nonconsensual situation and the impact it has on them.
This is an essay collection about survivors and warriors. These are the people to celebrate because they speak even when it opens wounds. I can’t recommend this collection enough. There was one essay I had massive issues with, but I won’t mention it in my review, but if you are curious why I was bothered by the essay I’ll be happy to talk about it privately. Not That Bad is a fantastic collection that I think everyone needs to read.
Cover Thoughts: Not a favorite by any means, but I’m here for the content not the cover.
Have you read any of Roxane Gay's novels? Did you read Not That Bad? What are some of your favorite audio nonfiction reads? Let me know down below in the comments!
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